Fitness trackers and blood pressure monitors | Humorous review in 2020

“No boring crap, straight to the point” – Giggle and Buy.

Is your skin expanding, and you’re about to explode?

Does your blood flow higher than the pressure of Niagara Falls?

Are you eating food as if you’ll never get it again?

Is it a tough task for you to move you away from your couch?

Damn it, we need to talk. You need to check out some fitness trackers and blood pressure monitors review, be it humorous.

fitness trackers and blood pressure monitors review

E-mail: [email protected]

Fought with my grandpa, and researched to give you fitness trackers and blood pressure monitors review, THE HIGHEST RATED, BUDGET FRIENDLY oximeters, bought by THOUSANDS, based on user experience.

NO TECHNICALITIES, NO useless features. Fun reading time:-

blood pressure monitors review image credits: imgflip.com

Counts your steps (Not stepmom or step-sister.   Just footsteps)

Pros: The machine shows you how much of a movable object you are. It tracks and shows footsteps moved and miles traveled, so that you know when it’s enough and it’s time to get back to your couch again.

Cons: It might scare you seeing that hard work you put into moving, it might make you wanna throw the device away.

To BUY from USA, UK and Canada ->

To BUY from india ->

Tracks burnt calories (Surprise!!! Burnt things can be tracked too)

Pros: To lose some weight or to stay active, you need to move your fingers on google to search for the numbers, while you do that, it’ll burn some calories that you can track if you’re wearing the machine.

Ah yes, it tracks every small movement of yours, and you can’t cheat this.

Cons: Some mathematics is required in this process, you’ll waste your money buying this product if you ever had the urge to kill your math teacher in high school.

blood pressure monitors review

Checks blood pressure (your personal sexy nurse)

Pros: Save a trip to the hospital by checking your blood pressure by yourself (Ever heard of a DIY nurse? Lol). Save medicine expenses even if you’re a millionaire.

Cons: Your doctors may risk earning more bucks if you don’t visit them, just think about their family once before you buy this machine.

To BUY from USA, UK and Canada ->

To BUY from India ->

Recommended by doctors (now that’s weird)

Pros: You feel like a two-in-one blend of a doctor and a patient. You do not require a college degree either, just for giving fitness trackers and blood pressure monitors review.

Cons: You might wanna pay the fees to yourself, and people may declare you mentally-retarded officially.

To Buy, CLICK on the links given above

blood pressure monitors review

Tracks emotions (not a God’s machine though)

Pros: Shows high readings when stressed, will make you happy seeing high scores. Hurray!!! You may calm down after this.

Cons: Shows low readings when relaxed, which might make you sad and depressed again. What a waste of time this machine is.

To Buy, CLICK on the links given above

Tracks your menses (Yes, it does. Period.)

Pros: It knows before you know it, your blood pressure is a magical signal though.

Cons: Men will never be able to track their menses with this machine, disappointing.

To Buy, CLICK on the links given above

blood pressure monitors review

Skin sensitivity (A Cinderella for skin)

Pros: Put less pressure on arms, unlike the pressure Mr. Trump is “puttin” on W.H.O. No rashes, no reaction, just like Kristen Stewart from Twilight (Google please)

Cons: Fails Newton’s third law of motion, do you still wanna buy this failure?

To Buy, CLICK on the links given above

Longer battery life (not more than Lord Voldemort)

Pros: One full charge lasts a few weeks, and these few weeks will get YOU fully charged with an active lifestyle.

Cons: Well, no cons here. The seller of this product is not a con either, and these fitness trackers and blood pressure monitors review are one of the “pros” in itself.

To Buy, CLICK on the links given above

blood pressure monitors review

Instructions and screen (Wait, what?)

Pros: Easily understandable instruction manual and large reading screen. You read the manual and your grandpa will read the screen without spectacles. Then configure the machine effortlessly.

Cons: It’ll be a problem for both of you if you exchange your tasks. You know what I mean. With the fitness trackers and blood pressure monitors review, you know that they are user-friendly.

To Buy, CLICK on the links given above

Water-resistant (Don’t throw it into the sea)

Pros: Clean it with water, burn some more calories, and track it.

Cons: Deep-sea diving with it, and monitoring your blood pressure there, might turn into a bad idea.

To Buy, CLICK on the links given above

blood pressure monitors review

Useful features only (invest here, but it’s not a mutual fund)

Pros: Unusable and not-so-useful features with the expensive machine is a waste of money. Save money, and buy a bikini for your girlfriend.

Cons: Think, where will you show the invested money to the income tax department, when these products are so not expensive?

To Buy, CLICK on the links given above

5 Tips for better readings on blood pressure monitors and fitness trackers:

  1. Wrap the cuff and the watch on the same hand every time, you can do many things with your other hand.
  2. Keep yourself relaxed while taking the readings, give your other hand rest as well.
  3.  Take note of readings at the same time every day. (Good excuse to escape from the awkward situation)
  4. Avoid bathing, alcohol, caffeine, smoking, exercising, for at least 30 min before taking the reading. (Don’t play with your temperature and pulse rate my friend)
  5. Wrap the bands firmly. (as if you’re Cinderella, not the Hulk)

Conclusion: Now you know exactly what you want from these fitness trackers and blood pressure monitors review, so pick it, buy it, face it, and don’t thank me.

[Note: *The post written above is written in a fun and unconventional way of educating, and is not by any means, intended to harm emotions/sentiments or insult anybody, and should be taken in a light-hearted manner*]

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